One of the things which both confuse and irritate me, admittedly in a possibly contradictory and hypocritical manner, is how so many people love to say “Don’t judge me”, or “Don’t judge me without knowing me first”.
First of all, just saying or expressing that instantly causes me to do just that. One reason is due to how when I say “Don’t think of yellow hippos”, you’d probably think of yellow hippos anyway. But more significantly for me, is the immediate defensive signal you’ve delivered so quickly and willingly, the lack of belief in yourself. Are you hiding something? Is there something you have or do which is worth judging you upon?
In anycase, no matter what the platform and extent of interaction between two or more people, it’s truly impossible for anyone to not create an impression of themselves during that interaction. Even at the lowest form of communication, via text such as SMS or email, there is already a set of semi-established social etiquette: to what extent you adhere to those rules instantly affects the impression you create on others.
What I’m really trying to say, is that people WILL have an opinion of you, even just by looking at your profile pictures on Facebook or reading your tweets on Twitter etc, without even ever speaking to you beforehand. And I know this this is the point where some are going to say “Forming an opinion or impression of me isn’t the same as judging”. (I’m not gonna lie, I absolute hate the words ‘judge’ and judging’ now.)
And the thing is, they’re totally right. The fifth definition of ‘judge’ from Merriam-Webster:
Judge : to form an estimate or evaluation of; especially : to form a negative opinion about <shouldn’t judge him because of his accent>
Which irks me to no end, frankly.
Not just because they’re right. Not just because the use of the word ‘judge’ from Merriam-Webster in this instance seems to hint at racism, an issue I personally find difficult to define. But also because when people do ask not to be judged (usually in a fierce and passionate manner as if defending their country), they are promptly assuming that I will.
Which in itself is judging me isn’t it?
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