“TP Days 5 and 7
Surely one of the best feelings in the world is that glorious mixed sensation of relief and satisfaction, borne out of hard work paying off. Handsomely. I was filled with that feeling of achievement on TP Day 5, after my efforts were rewarded with a ‘to standard’ grading that I was obviously gunning for. In all my life, I’ve been taught that if you’re not as clever or smart or talented, you’ve just got to work harder. I’ve been brought up to believe, and I still do believe, that hard work will produce results. It’s unlikely to be the best results, but it’s results nonetheless. I’m glad that TP Day 5 reminded me of that.
TP Day 7 however, reminded me that sometimes, hard work just isn’t enough. I honestly did feel that I tried my absolute best in planning my lesson and working on my LA, and I did feel that the lesson I was supposed to teach was a huge challenge. I had wanted to challenge myself sure, but when I sat down properly and carefully ran through the minute details, it did feel like it was bordering on the impossible. I felt like I was fighting a losing battle from the go, and that’s a horrible (and wrong) mindset to be in no matter what you’re doing. It did feel like being a student proper once more, going into an exam knowing even beforehand that academic doom was just around the corner. The positive outcome of feeling like a student was that it also reminded me of the obstacles I’ve overcome in the past; that in spite of repeated failures and setbacks I’ve always eventually conquered them (to varying degrees of success of course).
It’s ridiculous to try and lie and claim that failing two out of four lessons (one of which was a trial/diagnostic) isn’t hugely, immensely disappointing, as I was really really cut up about it. But there’s nothing to gain from moping around and whining, and it’s crucial that I don’t eff things up again. I do feel like I’m walking a tightrope now, that my margin for error is virtually gone and that I have no more ‘second-chances’. I have belief in myself and my ability, and I really need to prove it.”
- dated 30/01/12
